bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
