told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
