how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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