just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
