me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
