Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
