he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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