You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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