I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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