when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need a hoe opinion
go on
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
