After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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