and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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