I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
