Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
