literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
