Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
