wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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