Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
