That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
