You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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