So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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