You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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