after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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