Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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