Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
