tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
