Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
