remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
