Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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