My cat gives me a boner
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
