My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
