just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
