Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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