I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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