don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
