At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
