Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Say something about gay babies.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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