yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
