I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
