Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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