I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
