I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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