He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
