he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
