On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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