Dude my mom stole all your condoms
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
