she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
