lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I supernannyed him into submission
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
