Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
