You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
