Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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