at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
