I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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