Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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