what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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