It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize