you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
